| Hello, When the first trailer for "The Duchess" came out, I thought it was rather lame. Mostly because it was a bad trailer. It showed Georgiana Spencer as nothing but a slut, but the other two. The UK and the US trailers, specially the US Trailer really made me see that I will give it a try when it comes out. I loved that the US trailer showed that the movie is more than a copy of "Marie Antoinette." I noticed that they both have their similarities, but what I liked from the trailer is that it has big differences. I also liked that they show Georgiana as a strong woman, the complete opposite of the Teaser Trailer which just made her look weak and mean. ^_^ 
Here are the trailers in case you are interested in looking at them. Now that I have seen all three, all three look really good. I like the beginning of the first one (the intro speech is amazing. I wish somebody would say such high praise about me someday), the end of the second one (when she tries to negotiate with her husband but fails), and the middle of the last one. I specially like the last one. The shot with the fist. A simple shot, a simple action that just shows so much. So, I like the director, and Keira of course, but we all know directors rule! (Yes, I'm saying that because I want to be a director). I also like when she yells back at her husband and when she tells him "No, I made that many years ago." Its such a burn! LOL. Anyway, the movie is rated PG-13. Its nice, so I don't have to worry about being hugely uncomfortable in the theater. Thank God, I didn't see "Atonement" in the theater. The Library scene is pretty strong. Not really since they don't show anything, but still, it would be uncomfortable sitting next to a whole buch of strangers. Anyway, watch the trailers, they are really cool ^_^ The Duchess Teaser Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7xFDHqty_A&feature=related The Duchess UK Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p2UtgtJuDk&feature=related The Duchess US Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgaInwzxHoU Anyway, enough about "The Duchess." My visit to LA was pretty good. I didn't get to see Hebe, but, oh, well. I got to see something even better (don't get offended, Hebe)...The Kodak Theatre!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got to walk inside the mall, and the Chinese Theatre next to it and everything. But, the KODAK THEATRE!! Where they host the Oscars! That made me VERY happy. Anyway, we ate lunch in a Pizza place inside the mall. I got to hang around with Ivanna and Florence. It was nice, because I didn't have to go completely by myself, but I still had enough freedom to dissapear if I felt like it. Something I couldn't have done if Nubia or Julie would have been there with me. (the only exception if Nubia was with Diego or Julie was with the Asians). We also went through Beverly Hills. The driver was very nice. He drove us through all those nice neighborhoods and pointed stuff out as we went along. Big dissapointment with USC. I though it would be like UCLA, but it isn't. Its like in the middle of the city with the ugly skyscrapers in the background. I have to cross streets to get to the dorms and stuff like that. I HATE crossing streets, specially in the city. Also, the buildings have a lot of underground levels which is a concern for earthquakes. Specially since everybody has been crying in LA about how they got this "huge" earquake. Come on, it was just one! Here in Calexico, we got a whole bunch and even stronger ones, and we weren't all over the news! The one they got was a 5.4 We got a 5.4, too, and want to know how its being put up in the news. As "Calexico earthquake is felt all the way to San Diego county." So, to everyone, Calexico is insignificant. What matters, is not that there was an earquake in a small border town, but that its felt near a pretty, green sea shore paradize. Now, that is ridiculous. Now, what about Mexicali, anybody cares about them? Many school buildings were damaged and they are in a third wold country! Think about the people who got injured! Nobody pays attention to the poor or small. Summer Assingments...I am getting to them. I'm going to start today (or tomorrow, LOL). I have to do the AP Gov, AP Eng, and AP Psych. Speaking of Psychology, or rather Psych, I have begun to really love that show. Anydody watch it? Its on USA or NBC. 
Here are several funny quotes from the show and from the online site. "So you know what they call Thanksgiving in Costa Rica? Thursday." "What kind of Psychic are you? One that likes bees...and historical novels" OMG! I gasped at that line! I was so surprised. I LOVE historical novels, specially Ms. Garwood's. They are AWESOME!!! I finished reading the Clayborne Westerns. I was putting them off, because I didn't think they would be that good. Many fans kind of complained about them. I liked them, but they are defenitly NOT my favorites. 
I think its because the first book ("For the Roses") Was a little heart breaking. Its pretty depressing for a Julie Garwood book. Most of her books are filled, I mean, filled with jokes and laughter. So those scenes are very loomy. Well, she was kindnapped when she was young, the kinappers tried to throw her away, but four boys living in New York City found her, moved to Montana and raised her. Years later, Harrison, a Scottish lawyer working for her dad looks for her and finds her. He falls in love with her and they marry. She is then taken to visit her father in England and everybody there tries to make her into "Lady Victoria (that was her real name, her brothers renamed her in honor of two of the boy's mothers')" For a time, her relatives win, and even though she appears perfect to everyone she cries every night because she can't bear it. (reminds me Marie Antoinette). To make matters worse, her dad starts sending her husband all over Europe to do errands for him. She only gets to see her husband every one in a while and usually he just has the change to sleep for a few hours and leave again. They both start having problems because of what her family is doing to her and her husband is never with her, and when he is, he is tired and grumpy. One night, they have a really bad fight (all because of the stupid relatives fault! That angers me! ), they make up, and as she is falling asleep, she tells her husband that she loves him, and he replies "I love you too, Victoria." That, still has the power to send me in a burst of tears. Its hearbreaking! So, she packs up her bags and leaves to come back to America to her brothers. Then her husband realizes that her dad was doing everything on purpose. That he had him all over Europe to keep him away from her daughter so that he and his family could work on making Mary Rose into the Victoria they wanted. They even told Mary Rose to see herself as "a blank canvas" in which she should allow them to "paint their masterpiece." Anyway, another reason why people may not have liked the series was because in the first book, one of the brothers, Cole, was dallying with Mary Rose's friend. However, the friend goes with Mary Rose to England and stays there. In the last book of the series, Cole falls in love and marries another girl, which left a lot of people, including myself saying "Wait a minute, I though he was going to end up with the other girl!" However, I still read the book and I did soften towards the other girl. Mostly because she was a very nice character, who, like almost ALL the Julie Garwood characters, doesn't appreciate material stuff. The only one that does appreciate material stuff, is one of my top, top, top, top favorites. I'm not sure if she's my favorite or not since I can't decide. Julie Garwood's "The Gift" protagonist, Sara tells Nathan, her husband, twice in the book "Then, we're rich?" Its hilarious. Also, the book is set during the Regency time period, the same as Jane Austen. Look what I found. These are SOOOO true! Top 10 Things No One Would Ever Say in a Regency Romance
Taken from the back of the novel Rules of Gentility by Janet Mullany The heroine: 1. Hell with Almack’s. I think I’ll stay home and entertain myself with the footmen.
2. I might as well marry the first man who offers for me. I can always have passionate love affairs afterward.
3. I never really wanted to be a writer/surgeon/spy/scientist/explorer/archaeologist/herbalist
/highwayperson/governess/publisher/artist/balloonist/acrobat /pirate/opera singer/engineer. It just seemed to make me more attractive to eligible men.
4. Oh, Papa, what a shame you gambled away the family fortune. I’m afraid I can’t think of anything I could possibly do to help out.
5. A devastatingly handsome, notorious, wicked rake? Eeeew.
6. I know it’s our wedding night, but would you mind terribly if I got on with my knitting?
7. I don’t care if that adorable lisping child is the apple of the hero’s eye. If she doesn’t shut up I’ll slap her.
8. Pay no attention to my siblings. They’re only here for the sequels.
9. Would you mind using one of those things made from animal intestines?
10. You don’t have any? Look in my reticule. The hero: 1. No brandy for me, thank you. It gives me terrible wind.
2. But I always wear a nightshirt and nightcap. Why should it be any different tonight?
3. Butler, remove this strange woman from my bed immediately.
4. All this striding around is giving me groin injuries.
5. No, no. I insist, madam. You take the floor. I’ll be quite comfortable in this huge bed.
6. Send my valet for some Rogaine. I have been indulging in overmuch hair raking.
7. I’m afraid some women have complained it’s rather on the small side.
8. I am Everard Dominic Benedict Ashford Alexander Artichoke FitzGrennan, Duke of Hawkraven, known and feared as Satan’s Elbow, but you may address me as...Cuddles.
9. I really don’t want to go to a gambling hell tonight. Couldn’t we just stay home and read up on the bills we’re supposed to vote on tomorrow in the House?
10. Waterloo? Oh, it was quite fun, actually.
I am guilty of the Heroines' number 3, 4, 8. The hero's 3, 5, and 8. These are hilarious! The Hero's Number 5. "No, no. I insist, madam. You take the floor. I’ll be quite comfortable in this huge bed." Actually DID happen in Julie Garwood's "The Gift" "She scooted down to the bottom of the bed so that she could get out, as one side was blocked by the wall, and the other side was blocked by Nathan. It was too dark inside the cabin to find her wrapper. Nathan had kicked one of the covers off the bed, though. Sara grabbed it and wrapped it around herself. She didn't know how long she stood there glaring at his back. His deep, even breathing indicated he was sound asleep. She was freezing in no time. Her thin nightgown offered little protection against the chill in the room. She was miserable. She sat down on the floor, tucked her bare feet under the blanket, and then stretched out on her side.
The floor felt as though it were covered with a layer of ice. 'All married couples have separate chambers,' she muttered. 'I have never, ever been treated so poorly in all my days. If this is your idea of how you plan to cherish me, you're already failing, Nathan.' He heard every word of her whispered tirade. He held his smile when he said 'You're a quick learner, bride.' She didn't know what he was talking about. 'And what is it you think I've learned so quickly?' she asked. 'Where your place is,' he drawled. 'It took my dog much longer.'"
Anyway, I'm having quite a few laughs at this new website I found. Its called Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. They critizice trashy books. OMG, you cannot believe how many stupid books are out there. I looked up their "greatest hits" and this is a review I found. Its hilarious!! However, its VERY, VERY Racy. Read it at your own risk! Decadent by Shayla Black. Rated D- Reading Decadent deafened me. Have you ever had that experience before? You finish reading a book and you feel just a bit numb. Your brain is ringing the way your ears do when leaving a venue with a terrible sound system, after watching a band that’s far too fond of playing very loudly and not nearly fond enough of playing with skill. I haven’t read too many novels that do that to me, so I attempted to analyze why Decadent inspired that reaction, and what I finally figured out was this: The book was written in such a way that its ideal narrator was the Summer Blockbuster Guy. “This summer… An innocent beauty learns the price of earning the love she thinks she wants… is finding love in a place she never expected.” “This summer… A hardened soldier of fortune discovers that gaining the girl of his dreams… means letting go of the girl in his past.” “This summer… A girl becomes a woman… and learns she can preserve her virginity… by having anal sex with two men.” “HANG ON,” I can almost hear you saying. “You’re just making shit up, now. Candy, your slice-n-dice reviews have gone too far.” Psh. You think I’d kid about something that important? You think I would make a crass joke about teh buttsecks to illustrate how incredibly silly this book is? Trust me. I’m not even remotely kidding about that last bit. In fact, there’s no way I can convey how silly this book is. It is so silly that at various points, I expected Graham Chapman dressed as a Colonel to appear, declaring that this book was too silly to continue. Alas, the latter would indicate that this book was funny. And it’s not. I initially read this book as a bit of high camp and was able to maintain this mindset (and therefore enjoy it to some degree) for about one third of the way, because the plot was too deliciously cock-eyed for me to take seriously: Kimber Edgington, the heroine, is in love with Jesse McCall, her childhood sweetheart (whom she hasn’t seen in almost a decade--whom she knew only for a summer when she was a kid, really). Jesse happens to be an international rock star with a taste for threesomes. Not the usual boy-girl-girl threesomes that are the stuff of fantasy for millions of males, of course. This dude’s into two guys and a girl. (Structuring this story any other way would’ve involved TEH GAY for the heroine.) So Kimber, in her quest to prove her everlasting love and commitment, decides she needs tutoring in the Ways of the Double Penetration, and seeks out Deke Trenton, a mercenary who used to work for her father and who apparently has a thing for threesomes. (How does she know this? One of the more hilarious aspects of Deke’s fetish for this bit of vanilla kink is that it’s something everybody seems to know about, from sheltered girls in their twenties to random people in bars to the Kimber’s brothers to Kimber’s dad. Seriously: every time somebody finds out that Kimber is having a relationship with Deke Trenton, there’s usually some sort of horrified gasp (or inarticulate rage on the part of the brothers), followed by “Do you know what he’s into?” It makes me wonder how in the hell they’d find out something like that. Does the dude have a Wikipedia page? If he did, I’d love to see his history/discussion pages, because god knows he’s one hot mess.) And when I say “he has a fetish for threesomes,” I mean it in the clinical sense. (The pedants in the audience will note that the fetish isn’t, strictly speaking, a fetish, because it refers to a sex act instead of an object or a body part. Look, just go along with me, all right? Pretend I said “paraphilia” and call it a day.) Seriously, Deke can’t work his dirk of manly passion unless he has additional male company. No, I’m serious. This dude hath not a workable stiffy unless another dude is there. Specifically, his cousin, celebrity chef Luc Traverson. This initially perked my interest--was Luc the Piers Gaveston to Deke’s Edward II, except kind of incestuous, which would make it somewhat more kinky? Alas, no. The true reasons why these two paragons of masculinity engage almost exclusively in threesomes are both much more hilarious and much more repulsive than using a woman as a conduit to express homosexual urges. But more on that later. After a certain point, however, the sheer weight of the terrible prose crushed my sense of humor, and the only thing left to make it bearable was to read the more ludicrous parts out loud to friends. The part that broke me? The part that made me throw my hands up and say “I give up”? Was when Kimber decides that her virginity is so special, she needs to save it for Jesse. And by “save her virginity,” I totally mean “have copious amounts of loud, sweaty, multi-orgasmic anal sex with two men she’s known less than a week.” If this had been written with any sort of tongue in cheek tone, or with any sort of nod or wink to the sorts of people for whom anal sex is somehow a culturally acceptable way of preserving a façade of sexual purity (read: stupid, horny teenagers for whom obeying the letter of the law is much more important than adhering to the spirit), I would’ve cheered it for the bit of high camp it was. Unfortunately, the story tried to sell the heroine as being a smart, spirited young woman a little too hard while showing just the opposite in every turn. Come on, now. Preserving your virginity with buttsecks. Look, I’m all for people enjoying the hell out of anal sex, and I’m all for people having it with as many partners as they can stand at one time. Just don’t pretend that you’re somehow protecting your sexual purity by having it--whatever sort of definition of “sex” you may subscribe to, I’m pretty goddamn sure just about everyone would agree that that having a man stick his cock up your ass qualifies as “having sex” with him. But wait, there’s more! Deke, besides being incapable of fucking a woman unless Luc is there (NOT GAY NO NOT AT ALL), has a really, really strange complex about virgins. Namely, he’s convinced that fucking a virgin in the va-jay-jay means she’ll die. This is made into a Really Big Deal, and is also part and parcel of his sexual dysfunction in general and with Kimber in particular (NO REALLY NOT AT ALL GAY). This results in the best conversational exchange in any erotic romance novel, ever, when Kimber finally offers to allow Deke entrance into her cinnabar cavern of feminine wonder (because what she feels for Deke is even more speshul than what she feels for Jesse), and Deke, after pondering and sweating and struggling over this decision heroically, takes decisive action: “Fuck!" he snarled. He tilted her up again, her legs now resting on his shoulders, and positioned himself and began to push. Into her back entrance. Kimber drew in a great, shocked gasp, her hazel eyes wide. “Deke?” “What the hell are you doing?” Luc barked. Tensing a little more with every inch he pushed inside Kimber’s tight passage, the tendons on his neck standing out, the muscles in his arms shaking, assailed by the amazing sensations of being slowly enveloped by her tight, ready flesh, Deke could barely form a word. “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.”
Wow. Talk about a lifesaving procedure you’ll never see on-camera on, say, Grey’s Anatomy. But wait, there’s more! When I read this part aloud to my friend Ben (who was the first victim of many), his immediate response, after he’d picked himself up from the floor, was “I’m in ur ass, saving ur life.” And being the enterprising nerd that he is, he actually hunted down a picture and captioned it, LOLCat-style. (Warning: the picture is pornographic. It seriously is. Don’t click on it, for the love of God, if you’re anywhere in the office, or if there are little kids or animals or sweet, sheltered little old grandparents within a direct line of sight of your monitor.) So behold! (I removed the link because I don't want anyone accidently clicking on it [and no, I have not cliked on it, but I have enough intelligence to not do that. - Paola]) Recovered from that yet? No? Too bad. After that marvellous bit of characterization, the story chugs along completely predictable lines: Kimber is dumped brutally by Deke (who’s utterly freaked out at how attached he has become), reunites with Jesse, finds him to be not at all what her memories have made him to be, and is repulsed by Jesse’s regular threesome partner, a pretty boy with tattoos who drinks before lunch--evidence of moral turpitude if we’ve ever seen it. And then a wacky suspense plot springs up out of nowhere and ambushes the rest of the storyline, putting Kimber in danger (remember, kids: it’s never acceptable to have the heroine save the hero’s ass, because that might mean he’s a pansy who can’t get it up unless another man’s also...oh, wait). All of this is a convenient way of getting Deke back together with Kimber so he can open up about his Deep, Dark, Loathsome, Virgin-Killing past--the explanation for why he never fucks virgins, and why he always has to have a wingman in bed. Are you ready for the secret? Back when Deke was a teenager, he de-virginized his beautiful but highly unstable girlfriend, who became pregnant, got crazy, and killed herself. That’s it. That’s the big, dark, tormented secret of Deke’s past. Which is actually a pretty good tormented secret, except that his reactions are both nonsensical and morally repulsive. When you attempt to unpack the implications, you come up with the following: 1. His avoidance of sleeping with virgins only makes sense if you accept that virgins are much more likely to become pregnant than other women. Because it’s not as if there’s such a thing as fertile non-virgins, or, you know, BIRTH CONTROL THAT WORKS RELIABLY. 2. Deke needs another man in bed so that if the woman becomes pregnant, he’d have another man to blame. Because in Deke’s universe, paternity tests, like birth control, do not exist. In case you’re thinking that I’m inferring point number 2, let me assure you that I’m not. I am, in fact, quoting “another man to blame” verbatim from the book. I could go on, but I think you get the point: this book is a trainwreck of unintentional hilarity. If ever there was a book ripe for MST3K treatment or a drinking game (take a shot every time a character starts a musing with “Damn"), this would be it. The sex scenes are pretty hot, I’ll give it that, but even those are subject to gems like “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.” If you’re really into copious quantities of sweaty, distressingly hetero buttsex and a menage that wimps out in the end, you might enjoy this book. Me? I’m still recovering from the LOLPorn. And really, if I had to summarize the book, I think the look on the porn actress’s face in the LOLPorn photo says it all. "
Anyway, I really can't stop laughing at "Saving her life" part! Its so funny! Whenever I need to laugh I just need to remember that. I just can't stop laughing!!! I mean, I read trashy books, but not THAT trashy. Julie Garwood is considered a pionner of Historical Romances (along with Nora Roberts, Jude Deveraux, and Danielle Steel). However, the difference between Julie Garwood and those other authors is her Humor. Which is why I read her books. Most are just porn, but not Julie Garwood's. If you take out the love story, you can still have a nice laugh. If you try doing that with others it doesn't work. Also, her stories are original. In "Honour's Splendour" the author has the protagonist warm the hero's feet, and kicks (OMG! Pun!!!) off from there. She was the one who started adding humor to her stories. Before that, all historical romance novels had very little, if any humor. When her books started getting published other authors kept on telling her to tone down the humor and THANK GOD she didn't listent to them. Maybe that's why I like Julie Garwood and Psych because they both are outrageously funny! (Omg, I can't even spell outrageous anymore. Is that how you spell it?) Anyway, got to eat Lunch and stop laughing my ass (eww! "Saving your life!!" LOL) off. Paola
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